It's easy to rattle off a list of adjectives that describe what we like, and seek in other people. Particularly in dating. But in practice, "honesty", or "good manners" might mean something different to you than it does to me. And how they relate to each other, when one is more valued than another, can vary wildly from moment to moment and person to person.
Honesty for you might mean pointing out that the nail polish on my toes is flaking and really needs a touch up. Good manners for me might mean not mentioning it, so as not to make someone else feel self conscious. Good relationship is how we navigate the waters in between.
So when it comes to quantifying what I seek, and am drawn to in other people, I find myself looking for moments. Snippets of daily life that tell me something about another person, that give substance to the names we have for characteristics, behaviours and things we find charming.
So... in no particular order, a non-comprehensive list of things I find appealing, and endearing, in other people:
- umbrella awareness in crowds on the rainiest of days
- asking how people are with feeling, as if you really want to know
- licking the froth off the inside of your takeaway coffee cup lid
- melty, long, warm, wrapped-up hugs
- the ability to commit to small things, like when I will see you next
- chasing rubbish that the wind blows away from you
- asking quirky questions about how things work, such as "is there an equivalent of a car wash for aeroplanes?" and collecting the answers like little pebbles
- admitting that you wanted to lick the plate after a particularly delicious meal
- being prepared for the usual eventualities... always carrying a handkerchief, a spare umbrella in the car, snacks on a bush walk
- the ability to see how someone is in a given moment, and respond in kind, even if neither person has words for it
To be continued...
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